I accidently came across your account on Insta and last photo was dated just the day before you disappeared. I've never paid attention on it.
Just the day before you disappeared and three day before your body was found.
We still don't know it was an accident or you've commited sucide. And it's painful.
And all these years I have been realising that I wasn't a good friend, I guess I wasn't even a friend. I was just an obsession of your ex-boyfriend who ruined your relationship twice.
I still feel guilt. I know that it isn't connected. It had happened long before your death and you had a new boyfriend after all. And it is he who we can blame that he didn't stopped you. Who didn't follow you. But I think he has been blaming himself enough and we have no right think he is guilty.
It's unfair. I had thought that we have plenty of time.
To chat. To laugh. To walk. To hug.
We didn't have. Suddenly.
I remember us lying on those giant wooden cubes in the park under the sun. I remember us wearing shorts and laughing about our hips. And how you couldn't choose the colour of your vans.
I remember you, Viki.
And it means somehow you're alive, my bright sun.
I'm so deeply sorry.
9 February
0
3 February
31 January
Dear friend,
I spoiled my idea about everyday writing. But it's not a news for you.
Anyway, I'm here to tell you that I'm trying to manage things and update twitter less often than every minute.
I'm scared, I'm so scared.
I throw myself into Wayne TV series and it was a bad decision because it's such a brillian trash that lack of information about season 2 has drove me completely mad.
So now I'm worrying about my life, my friends lives, my kid future, and all the things that happen here AND I'm mad about TV series.
Great job!
P.S. I feel weird about my attention to selebrity men who are younger than me but I'll cry over spilt milk another time.
I spoiled my idea about everyday writing. But it's not a news for you.
Anyway, I'm here to tell you that I'm trying to manage things and update twitter less often than every minute.
I'm scared, I'm so scared.
I throw myself into Wayne TV series and it was a bad decision because it's such a brillian trash that lack of information about season 2 has drove me completely mad.
So now I'm worrying about my life, my friends lives, my kid future, and all the things that happen here AND I'm mad about TV series.
Great job!
P.S. I feel weird about my attention to selebrity men who are younger than me but I'll cry over spilt milk another time.
28 January
Dear friend,
Yesterday I made a decision to write here everyday even if I have nothing to say and just waffle.
I'm a lone wolf in my nature, my biggest dream now is being alone idk for a week at least and don't speak, don't be touched, eat alone, sleep alone. And I have no opportunity to make it comes true. I live life where going to a toilet alone is a f*king holiday (hey motherhood, but I'll complain about it in another post).
But at the same time I hate that I have no chance to hug my friends, to watch a film with them, lie on a sofa, eat crisps and laugh. We live in a different parts of country and seeing each other is a privillege.
OMG, can I write something positive once for a while?
Yesterday I made a decision to write here everyday even if I have nothing to say and just waffle.
I'm a lone wolf in my nature, my biggest dream now is being alone idk for a week at least and don't speak, don't be touched, eat alone, sleep alone. And I have no opportunity to make it comes true. I live life where going to a toilet alone is a f*king holiday (hey motherhood, but I'll complain about it in another post).
But at the same time I hate that I have no chance to hug my friends, to watch a film with them, lie on a sofa, eat crisps and laugh. We live in a different parts of country and seeing each other is a privillege.
OMG, can I write something positive once for a while?
27 January
Dear friend,
Today I can't believe in myself. Well not in myself actually but in my mental heath. I have a plan how to reach my goals and I don't even make me work really hard.
However, motherhood have been burning me out and every evening I just want to lay down in my bed and read a book. In a good day I'm able to knit a little while I'm watching A TV show. I a bad day I'm not able to do anything. I'm exhausted and can only scroll the news feed feeding my anxiety.
I've been managing much better than I expected. Honestly I had expected PPD before my kid was born so lucky me. Unfortunately it doesn't make things easier.
This day will end.
I will sleep.
Everything will be washed away.
The new day will rise.
I need to remember that.
Today I can't believe in myself. Well not in myself actually but in my mental heath. I have a plan how to reach my goals and I don't even make me work really hard.
However, motherhood have been burning me out and every evening I just want to lay down in my bed and read a book. In a good day I'm able to knit a little while I'm watching A TV show. I a bad day I'm not able to do anything. I'm exhausted and can only scroll the news feed feeding my anxiety.
I've been managing much better than I expected. Honestly I had expected PPD before my kid was born so lucky me. Unfortunately it doesn't make things easier.
This day will end.
I will sleep.
Everything will be washed away.
The new day will rise.
I need to remember that.
26 January
Dear friend,
Every time I feel upset I'm thinking about creating a blog, because the time when I'm upset is the only time when I have something to say. But I slept and my sadness has come away so here am I having no idea what to write about.
The voice in my head said me, "let it be" so let's start with
hello :)
Every time I feel upset I'm thinking about creating a blog, because the time when I'm upset is the only time when I have something to say. But I slept and my sadness has come away so here am I having no idea what to write about.
The voice in my head said me, "let it be" so let's start with
hello :)